The Business of Us

Running Marriage Like a Legacy Corporation

Somewhere along the way, society started aligning relationships with generic roles instead of with the strength required for those positions. We began assigning responsibilities based on tradition, culture, or reaction — not on capability, understanding, or intention. And we wonder why so many homes feel divided instead of united.

Men are told to lead without emotional insight. Women are told to nurture without strategic clarity. We run to our respective corners — men talking to men, and women gathering advice from girlfriends. We don’t return to our partner with questions; we instead return with more assumptions.

Here's the thing, though... No one on the outside of your relationship can fully see or explain the intentions, needs, or perspectives of your partner, the very person YOU are building a life with.

This is one of the greatest breakdowns in modern relationships. We outsource our internal issues to external voices — and then apply advice that lacks context. Understand this, if I am upset, I'm now unpacking my perspective to my friends/family, making it biased and ultimately no longer the whole truth. What ends up happening is we search for our own justice or validation from people outside of our relationship.

Now think about that same scenario as a business instead of a relationship.

...That wouldn’t fly.

When there’s an issue in a corporation, the leadership team doesn’t wander around to other corporations, spilling their internal disputes (drama) seeking their advice. The CEO and COO meet internally. They review the facts. They hash it out. They invest time and attention into making the best decision for the health of the organization.... 

Yet, as our society continues to demonstrate when it comes to relationships we feel more heard, outsourcing our solutions and advice then leaning in toward our partner. 

I’ve had the privilege of working in boardrooms, organizing voter campaigns, standing in front of congregations, and sitting across from men just trying to figure life out after incarceration. What I’ve learned from every one of those settings is this: structure matters. Leadership matters. Vision matters.

But nowhere are those things more critical — and often more overlooked — than in the home.

When we talk about success, we usually measure it in profits, properties, or influence. But the real test of legacy is what we build within our households. The people we’re responsible for. The love we cultivate. The faith we reinforce. And the partnership we steward.

So I started to ask myself: What if we looked at marriage like we do business? What if we treated it with the same urgency, clarity, and intentional care?

Let’s reframe it: Marriage is a business. Built on trust, vision, labor, and long-term investment.

In any successful enterprise, the CEO sets the vision and leads from the front. The COO ensures operations run smoothly and everything behind the scenes is aligned. This is how high-performing marriages work — two people with different lenses, but one shared mission.

A relationship like that only works when both understand their value and trust their counterpart’s approach. We’re not designed to be duplicates. We’re designed to be counterparts.

In my own marriage, the connection between my wife and me clicked differently than anything either of us had previously experienced. There was a natural recognition of roles — not forced by tradition or expectations, but understood through mutual respect and shared values. We each brought something vital to the table, and it became obvious early on that our differences weren’t obstacles — they were assets.

Together, we are not the same — and that’s the beauty. We function as a balanced unit, each strengthening the other’s vision. My wife’s depth of feeling is matched by my ability to remain reasoned and calm in storms.

Her emotional and spiritual intuition can catch shifts in energy and relationships before words are ever spoken, while my faith-grounded logic allows us to analyze problems, weigh solutions, and make level-headed decisions during high-pressure moments.

This dynamic lets us navigate chaos without becoming it. Our different methods bring equilibrium — hers reaches the heart, mine secures the foundation — and both are necessary.

One may bring emotional foresight, the other may bring analytical strategy. One may focus on structure, the other on spirit. Together, that creates a full-spectrum partnership. It works because we both know our roles are rooted in strengths — not stereotypes — and that makes all the difference.

Studies confirm what we already know from life: men and women approach challenges differently. According to research from Cambridge University, women tend to score higher in empathy-based traits, while men often lead with systems and solutions.

This isn’t a deficit on either side — it’s design.

Growth in any relationship comes from difference — not sameness.

When partners share core values but approach life from unique perspectives, that tension creates growth. That contrast creates resilience. A good leader doesn’t surround themselves with clones — they build a diverse team. Marriage is no different.

We need someone who:

• Sees what we overlook,

• Feels what we suppress,

• Questions what we accept,

• Grounds what we idealize.

This is how real strength forms — not in dominance, but in complement.

The Business Framework for Marriage

Now that we understand the power of difference, we can come back to structure. Because even the best team fails without alignment and a system.

In marriage, that means:

• Daily Huddles: A quick check-in. How are we doing? What do we need today?

  
  

• Weekly Strategy: What’s coming up? How are we supporting each other’s roles, goals, and well-being?

  
  

• Quarterly Reviews: Are we on track spiritually, emotionally, financially? What needs to shift?

  
  

• Legacy Planning: Are we building something our children will benefit from — not just materially, but morally and relationally?

  
  

According to research from the University of Denver’s Center for Marital and Family Studies, couples who engage in regular, structured communication rituals report higher satisfaction and lower divorce risk. Structure breeds security. And security breeds intimacy.

Marriage isn’t just a human construct. It was the first institution God established. Before temples, kings, or laws — there was a union.

Proverbs 24:3-4 tells us, “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” That includes emotional wealth, spiritual legacy, and relational trust.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” But that return only comes if both are laboring. The household cannot thrive if one is passive. This is why equally yoked matters. Two oxen can only plow a field if they’re pulling in sync.

When we align our marriages with spiritual principles — not just romantic dreams — we give our families a foundation that doesn’t crack under pressure.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has become a top leadership competency in business. According to TalentSmart, EQ accounts for 58% of performance in professional roles. It's not a bonus — it's essential to thriving leadership. But what often gets overlooked is this: EQ is just as critical, if not more so, in marriage.

Daniel Goleman, who popularized the concept of emotional intelligence, defines EQ through five domains: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skill. These aren’t just skills for the office — they are lifelines in a household.

In fact, a 2020 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples with higher emotional intelligence experience more effective conflict resolution, greater satisfaction in their relationship, and a higher capacity for empathy during stressful periods. Another meta-analysis published in Personality and Individual Differences confirms that high EQ in both partners directly correlates to long-term relationship satisfaction and emotional intimacy.

As Dr. Travis Bradberry, co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, puts it: "Your EQ is the foundation for a host of critical skills—it impacts everything you say and do each day."

In my own marriage, I’ve seen how this plays out. When I lead with understanding rather than assumption, we build trust. When I listen with intention and not defense, we grow. And when my wife leans into her intuitive insight while I keep an open perspective and can recalibrate, we don’t just avoid conflict — we elevate through it.

Men, we have to lead with understanding, not just instruction. Women, your perceptiveness is not only a strength, it’s strategic to the household. When we drop the defensive posture and lean into each other's strengths — emotionally, spiritually, and mentally — we elevate everything: the tone of our home, the future of our children, and the reflection of God’s image in union.

A business is only as strong as the clarity of its vision and the health of its leadership. The same is true of a home.

So build wisely. Build with intention. And most importantly, build together.

Because what you build in your house — that’s the true measure of success.

Go on now, build your business!

-Troy Rienstra