Trauma + Me: Trauma and Identity (#5)

Hi friends,

We’ve talked about trauma, how it rewires the brain, how it spills into our relationships, and how it evolves into PTSD. But there’s another layer to trauma that we need to explore: identity. Who are we after trauma? How do we rebuild our sense of self when it feels like the person we once were is gone?

This is personal for me because, post incarceration, I had to figure out who Troy Rienstra was beyond the walls. Trauma shakes the foundations of identity, leaving us to piece together a version of ourselves that feels whole again. Today, we’ll dive into how trauma impacts identity and how we can begin the journey of rebuilding it.

How Trauma Impacts Identity

Trauma doesn’t just leave scars on the brain and body—it carves itself into your identity. The experience can change how you see yourself, your relationships, and your place in the world. Let’s break this down:

1. The Fragmentation of Self

When trauma strikes, it often fractures our sense of self. This fragmentation can manifest as:

• Loss of Confidence: Trauma can make you doubt your abilities or worth.

• Confused Identity: You might feel like you’re not the same person you were before the trauma.

• Self-Blame: Many trauma survivors internalize the experience, thinking, “This happened because of me.”

  
  

2. Trauma and Shame

Shame is a common byproduct of trauma, especially for survivors of abuse or violence. According to a 2020 study in the Journal of Traumatic Stress, shame is a significant predictor of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This is because shame doesn’t just say, “You did something wrong”—it says, “You are something wrong.”

3. Role Disruption

Trauma can disrupt the roles you play in life—parent, partner, professional. If you’re struggling to function in those roles post-trauma, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost your identity altogether.

The effects of trauma on identity are well-documented in psychological research:

• Identity Confusion: A 2018 study in Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy found that 73% of individuals with complex trauma reported difficulty understanding who they were after their experiences.

• Loss of Purpose: Research in Behavioral Medicine shows that trauma survivors often struggle with a diminished sense of life purpose, which is strongly tied to identity.

• Survivor Guilt: A 2019 study in Trauma & Memory found that 58% of trauma survivors experienced guilt about surviving when others did not, which impacted their self-image.

  
  

My Own Journey

After I was released from prison, I felt like I was standing in a new world without a map. The Troy who had entered incarceration as a young man wasn’t the same Troy walking out 22 years later. Trauma had rewritten parts of my story, and I didn’t know how to make sense of it.

I needed to move from surviving to thriving. Rebuilding my identity meant asking hard questions:

• Who am I outside of my trauma?

• What kind of life do I want to build?

• How can I use my experiences to help others?

These questions didn’t have easy answers, but they became the foundation for reclaiming my identity.

Rebuilding your identity after trauma is a journey, but it’s one worth taking. Here are some steps that can help:

1. Acknowledge the Impact of Trauma

You can’t rebuild if you don’t acknowledge what’s been broken. This doesn’t mean defining yourself by your trauma—it means recognizing how it has shaped you.

• Research Insight: A 2017 study in Psychological Science found that naming emotions and experiences is a critical step in emotional regulation and healing.

  
  

2. Reconnect with Your Values

Trauma can make you lose sight of what matters most. Take time to reflect on your values and priorities. Ask yourself:

• What kind of person do I want to be?

• What brings meaning to my life?

  
  

3. Rewrite Your Narrative

Trauma has a way of hijacking your story, but you have the power to take it back. Instead of seeing yourself as a victim, start seeing yourself as a survivor—or even a thriver.

• Journal Prompt: Write a letter to your younger self, offering the compassion and understanding you didn’t have at the time.

  
  

4. Seek Connection

Isolation is trauma’s best friend. Rebuilding your identity means reconnecting with others in meaningful ways.

• Data Highlight: A 2020 meta-analysis in Social Science & Medicine found that strong social connections are associated with improved mental health outcomes for trauma survivors.

  
  

5. Explore Therapy

Trauma-informed therapy can be a game-changer. Therapists can help you process your experiences, challenge distorted beliefs, and build a stronger sense of self.

• Therapeutic Approaches: Narrative therapy, for example, focuses on helping individuals reframe their personal stories in empowering ways.

  
  

Here are some practical tools to help you rebuild your identity:

• Mindfulness Practices: Techniques like meditation and grounding exercises can help you reconnect with the present moment and your true self. Try talking positive to yourself for an entire day, once accomplished repeat for day two and so on. Being mindful of your head talk will aid you a great deal in this journey.

• Creative Expression: Art, music, or writing can be powerful ways to explore and express your identity.

• Physical Activity: Exercise isn’t just good for your body—it’s a way to reclaim agency over yourself.

  
  

Rebuilding Doesn’t Mean Starting Over

Let me be clear: Rebuilding your identity doesn’t mean throwing out everything about who you were before the trauma. It’s about integrating your experiences and using them to grow. Think of it like renovating a house—you keep the strong foundation but update the parts that need repair.

Trauma tries to steal your identity, but it doesn’t have to succeed. Rebuilding your sense of self is hard work, but it’s also some of the most rewarding work you’ll ever do. You are more than what happened to you. You are a whole person, capable of growth, connection, and purpose. Spend more time with yourself while you are healing, it will help you understand YOU more.

What’s Next?

In the next post, we’ll explore Trauma and the Body: How It Lives in Our Muscles and Bones. We’ll dive into the physical manifestations of trauma and how we can release it from our bodies.

Until then, remember this: You are not your trauma. You are so much more. Keep being present!

Troy Rienstra