Resisting Growth

Most of us have, at one point or another, stood face to face with the very thing we prayed for—an opportunity, a door cracked open, a whisper of the next chapter—and we turned around and walked the other way.

We didn't walk because we didn’t want it. We walked because it didn’t show up looking like what we expected.

I’ve had blessings show up in plain clothes. Success doesn’t always come with a neon sign and a red carpet. Sometimes it knocks soft. Sometimes it looks like hard work in a corner office that doesn’t look glamorous. Sometimes it comes while you’re still bleeding from old wounds. And when you’re in that place—raw, uncertain, maybe still healing—it’s easy to assume it’s not your time. That you’re not ready.

But here’s what I’ve learned, from the yard to the boardroom, from solitary confinement to speaking on stages: readiness is rarely about perfection. It’s about posture.

The Vision vs. The Reality

We’re told to visualize success. Vision boards. Affirmations. Strategic planning. All of it has value. But what happens when the vision gets so rigid in your mind that anything that doesn’t match it feels like a threat?

You pictured a stage—you got a circle of folding chairs in a church basement. You envisioned a storefront—you got a pop-up table at a community fair. You wanted to speak to thousands—you got one hurting soul who showed up to listen.

Too many people miss their assignment because they’re looking for it in the wrong outfit.

In psychology, there’s a term called cognitive dissonance. It’s the tension we feel when reality doesn’t align with our expectations. According to a 2020 report by the National Institute of Mental Health, unresolved cognitive dissonance—especially around identity and self-worth—can lead to chronic dissatisfaction, even in the face of progress.

We can feel bad while we’re winning—simply because the win doesn’t look how we imagined.

I’m not here to say you missed your time. But maybe you delayed it longer than it had to be. Maybe you were being called up to position, and you backed away because you couldn’t recognize yourself in the reflection.

This is what I call running from your own shadow. It’s when you get a glimpse of the man or woman you could become, and instead of stepping into it, you retreat. Not out of laziness—but fear. Fear of responsibility. Fear of visibility. Fear of failing in front of people who doubted you—or worse—people who believed in you.

A 2022 study from the Harvard Business Review found that high-achieving individuals with trauma backgrounds were 36% more likely to turn down leadership opportunities due to internalized self-doubt. Not because they lacked the skill—but because they didn’t feel ready enough.

So ask yourself: what have you pushed away that was meant to position you?

Most people think resistance shows up like laziness or procrastination. But that’s not always true. Sometimes resistance looks like overworking. Like staying busy on things that don’t stretch us. Like creating conflict where peace is trying to grow. Like staying committed to your pain because it’s predictable.

Our nervous system is trained to prefer what’s familiar, not what’s healthy.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, teaches that unresolved trauma programs our body to interpret discomfort as danger—even when it’s part of growth. That means new opportunities can feel threatening, not because they are—but because they’re different, they're new. 

Healing work is vital—not just for your past, but for your future. My wife used to reprogram her thinking for next level experiences by repeating to herself "new is not scary, its just new". Sounds a little lame, right? When you hear it that way? ...But the truth is - that simple, statement is enough to remind your inner self that you don't need to turn nerves into fear. If your inner framework can’t handle expansion, you’ll keep shrinking opportunities down to fit your comfort zone. Maybe read this last paragraph over again just to make sure the concept cemented for you. 

Slowing Down

We live in a time where everything is moving fast—scrolls, sales, updates, upgrades. Notifications hit us before we’ve even opened our eyes in the morning. Society rewards speed, yet punishes burnout, and somehow expects us to navigate both without losing our minds.

But speed doesn’t equal direction. And it definitely doesn’t equal purpose.

Slowing down is not about being inactive. It’s about becoming selectively active. Choosing where your attention goes. Choosing what has your energy, and what doesn’t. And that level of awareness? That’s where power lives.

Stillness isn’t about silence or retreat. It’s about giving yourself enough internal room to hear your own mind without interruption. Enough space to observe what’s happening inside of you without immediately needing to react. Clarity happens in that space—not when everything around you quiets down, but when you learn how to.

In a world that’s designed to keep your nervous system on high alert, stillness is a learned discipline. Not an escape. A discipline. And that discipline helps you train your perception so you stop seeing every delay as a problem and start seeing it as preparation.

There’s research to support this too. In a 2023 study published by the American Psychological Association, individuals who practiced structured reflection for just ten minutes a day—whether through journaling, sitting quietly, or breathing exercises—reported more than a 50% increase in clarity about major life decisions. They also showed a significant reduction in impulsivity and emotional fatigue.

Now think about what that means practically. Ten minutes a day to strengthen the most important relationship you’ll ever have—the one with yourself.

And no, it’s not always comfortable. Slowing down might bring some emotions to the surface that you’ve been avoiding. But that discomfort is part of the detox. And when you stay with it long enough, you start to respond from groundedness, not reactivity.

We’ve normalized doing a hundred things halfway. But real transformation? That starts when you give one thing your full attention—especially when that one thing is your own internal rhythm.

Slow is not weak. Slow is strategic. Slow is how you learn to stop chasing what’s next, and start aligning with what’s right now.

So how do you train yourself to see what’s growing, even when it’s inconvenient?

Question your first reaction. Is that “no” really your intuition—or is it fear in a mask?

Get curious about discomfort. What is this situation asking of you that feels unfamiliar - or - completely new?

Audit your excuses. Just because the reasoning sounds smart doesn’t mean it’s not rooted in resistance.

Remember what you asked for. Sometimes we forget that this moment is the answer to a prayer we prayed in a darker time.

There’s power in realizing that success doesn’t wait for you to be perfect—it waits for you to be available.

I’ve run from my own shadow before. I’ve pushed away good things because I didn’t think I could carry them. But life has a way of bringing you back to the same lessons until you learn to stand still and listen.

The more I leaned into discomfort, the more I saw myself clearly. Not the version I thought I had to be—but the one I actually was becoming.

You don’t need another title, platform, or accolade to be ready. You need willingness. You need awareness. You need to stop editing your blessings and start stepping into them.

Explore our website—a space for real talk, real people, and real growth.

— Troy Rienstra